Good Decisions, Bad Decisions.. ?

Hello, this is my first entry in the month of May... and it has been well over a week since my last one.

That job I was worried about... I did not get it... However the same position is going to open up at another branch... I know the person who will be hiring and she seems to be ignoring me lately, however... So I haven't a clue what's going on there and if it is going to affect my chances. If I don't get it there is always the possibility of carrying on with my studies in Real Estate... however... having finally achieved my degree (taking last course this month) and being single I will have that freedom that I've longed for in the past... to escape from Winnipeg. That's right, Spunky may start searching for job opportunities elsewhere in the country. I have a bit of a dream to move to Montreal... however I'd need to brush up on my French... quite a bit... seeing as I am not fluent but do have somewhat of a working knowledge.

And moving onto another area of my life... I am going to admit to something that I really don't like admitting to... Well... leading into it I am going to explain that finding love is hopeless... finding a guy who even wants to hang out with me is hopeless... They all seem to just flee... I've disgust it with a friend of mine and the most likely common problem is that I may intimidate them... I'm smart and have better conversation skills than most of them and I don't think I am all that unattractive... and I don't smother people with excessive attention... and I have been lately putting on a very optimistic front (Side Not: Regular exercise helps in being optimistic). But they still don't stay around long enough to get to know me. Anyway... long story short... guys are impossible and the majority of them are doomed to die alone and pathetic because of it. So anyway... the old me crept out and started looking for some "hot lovin" instead of real connections with people... and I must admit I've had a lot of offers (Naughty pictures get results)... and one I strongly considered... but it did not happen. Had he followed through it would have happened. I am not going to take the credit for saying no, because I didn't. That was yesterday and today I am feeling differently about the subject. Random "lovin" is not what I need. But the question remains... what do I need or want... that is attainable...?

I do need something...

Sometimes I feel like I am not sure who I am... A long time ago I lost who I am... Actually I think I've lost who I am a few times in the recent years of my life... And sometimes I think I've found myself again... but it slips away sometimes...