Me Through The Ages

My childhood was actually quite uneventful. If anything, I sometimes miss it because it was a time when life was simpler. I grew up with two premium parents and two significantly older sisters. I had a very good relationship with my eldest sister (13 years older than me). However for most of my life she has lived away from home but I always looked forward to her visits. She was sort of more of a parental-figure/aunt than a sister. I was kinda scared of my other sister but still loved her.
I always enjoyed animals. We had dogs all my life. We also lived in the country, surrounded by forest (I always wanted to live in a big city). I was not a very social child. I was the kid who didn't talk to anyone. I spoke to my family and people I was close to. Other people might have thought I was a mute. I was shy. But I always dreamed of being a great adult who would do amazing things. I played video games a lot. Even though there was plenty of outdoors to explore, I was very much an indoor child (not that I NEVER played outside). I remember my friends as a kid mostly to be bastards. Kids are mean to each other... especially the ones who were my friends. They were so annoying. Dumb kids.
When I was 13/14 we moved to a different town/city and that's where I went to high school.

During my high school years, I was still a quiet guy. I usually ate lunch by myself. However, during these years I was finally able to be enrolled in drama (I always wanted to be an actor and in the town I lived in before there was no drama program of any kind anywhere). I was AWESOME at drama and it was my favorite part of the day. I was also in band which wasn't necessarily my favorite part of the day but the band students were sort of the clique that I would have been mostly part of... however I don't think I was really ever part of a clique totally. If there was anything I was remembered for in high school, it would have been my performances in high school theatre productions.
I was raised Catholic and during my high school days I became more involved in my church due to a mass and hang-out time for teens at my church. Some of my closest friends I knew both at school and at church.
In high school I was also 100% closeted and did not even admit to myself that I was gay. I didn't actually know anyone else in my high school that was gay.... Well.... there were gays there but I wasn't attracted to them (nor did I know them well) so that doesn't matter. I did like the site of a sexy guy and I loved guy nudity... but that was a secret and "it wasn't because I was gay."
At one point during my early high school days my mother forced me to see a psychiatrist because she was worried about me being depressed and also because I was still very unsocial.

My university years are where things really begin to change. I moved to a small large city for university. During my first year I lived in sort of a dorm. I was a theatre/film major. I spent most of my free time alone in my room. During this year I became extremely emotional. It all started with me browsing some gay personals and meeting a guy, my age, who was gay. I realized that I wanted him and thus I had to admit to myself that I was gay. But this guy and I would never work out. He was an ass and had an on-and-off boyfriend. I spent the year obsessing over him and getting extremely depressed over and over again. I also came out to my family which was wonderful and thrilling (they were very accepting). I also came out to all my friends (they were accepting too). However I don't talk to anyone who was a friend of mine from that time anymore.
During my second year of university I lived in my own apartment. At the time I feel like I haven't lived, I never had wild times in highschool, I never had a chance to "be gay," and everyone has had more sex than me.... so... long story short.... I drank a lot, went to bars a lot, had sex a lot, manipulated a lot of people, broke a lot of hearts, had emotional ups and downs, became an amoral asshole, etc.
By my third year of university I settled down a little bit. I still wasn't use to the whole dating thing so I broke a few more hearts. I made a good friend that year. We actually became monogamous friends with benefits... we were both really into filmmaking and in a way probably quite good for each other... but I still wanted to go out to clubs and get drunk and have wild times and have sex with REALLY HOT guys... so I broke off my sex with him... but then he met someone and started seeing him... then I became jealous and tried to convince him to dump him for me.... and our friendship ended after six months... and I became very depressed... and.... over the next couple years went to school... made gay friends and had fun times here and there... caused some drama and tears... until.... I met a guy who was very cute... and we ended up dating and I changed. We dated for over a year.. and broke up because things got stale. Losing him was very difficult for me to deal with... a few months after that I started this blog.... which I guess brings us to the present.

Right now I am very career oriented and focused on financial goals. I am also hoping to do a lot more in the arts of film and theatre. Particularly film. I am far more mature now than I have been during my university years... and my entire life... obviously. During university I didn't do as well as I could have because emotionally I was sort of a mess. Had I done better I may be considering going into education. I still may look into taking the realtor path in life... perhaps not as a permanent career... but it would probably be great for getting out of debt and moving from being an apartment dweller to a home owner. Ultimately I would like to do something creative with my life... Problem is... I also like money and the arts typically don't bring in a lot of money.

Goodnight.